3.6Contradicting
The term contradicting includes a variety of ways verbal and nonverbal signals are not in agreement with each other. A young woman told her psychological doctor that she was deeply in love with her boy friend with shaking her head at the same time that unconsciously disapproved what she said. [7](P3) “He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret.”(Sigmund Freud[3](P181)) That is to say, our nonverbal actions would tell the truths that are tried to cover by verbal messages. You tell someone you are relaxed and at ease, yet your voice quavers and your hands shake.
The contradictory message occurs because people do not want to tell the truth and they do not want to lie. In most cases, we don’t like to contradict others, hurt their feeling or let them lose face. When a friend gave a terrible presentation, we may say “You did it quite well.” but our voice, face and body may not support the words. On other occasions, people even use contradictory messages to communicate sarcasm or irony, saying one thing with words but meaning the opposite with vocal tone or facial expressions.
Because people rely mostly on nonverbal messages when they receive conflicting data, we need to be aware of the dangers inherent in sending opposing messages.
4.Some nonverbal behaviors in different cultures
Much of our difficulty with people in other countries stems from the fact that so little is known about nonverbal communication. Formal training in the language, history, government, and customs of another nation is only the first step in a comprehensive program. Of equal importance is an introduction to the nonverbal language which exists in every country of the world and among the various groups within each country.
Culture is all-persuasive, multidimensional, and boundless; it is everywhere and in everything. The same is also true of nonverbal behavior. Our clothes and jewelry, the countless expressions we can reflect with our face, the hundreds of movements we can make with our bodies, where and how we touch people, our gaze and eye contact, vocal behaviors such as laughter, and our use of time, space, and silence are just some of the behaviors in which we engage that serve as message.
4.1General appearance and dress
In intercultural communication, appearance and objects are important because the standards we apply and the judgments we make are subject to cultural interpretations. In the United States, people tend to value the appearance of tall, slender women. In Japan, diminutive females are deemed the most attractive.
Clothing---how much, how little, and what kind---is also a reflection of a culture’s value orientation. For example, modesty is highly valued among Arabs. Muslim girls usually wear scarves to cover their heads, and in most instances, girls are not allowed to participate in swimming classes because of the prohibitions against exposing their bodies.