大学英语口语情景对话(搞笑银行)
And now,the onion news…… America’s finest news source.
Armed gunman shoots to top of banking world （持枪男在银行界一鸣惊人）
场景一：
匪徒:Nobody move，unless you want your head blown off.（都别动，除非你想被爆头） You……
负责人：Please Please，don’t shoot me. I’ll give you however much you want.（请别杀我，你要多少钱我都给）
匪徒：Whoa，whoa! You think I want money?（你认为我想要钱吗？）You think that’s what this is about?（你认为我就这么点儿出息吗？）A big, angry yellow man comes walking in waving a gun……And you assume he’s robbing the place? I ain’t looking for no goddamn handout.（一个高大的牛哄哄的黄种人举着枪走进来，你就认为我在抢劫吗？我才不要嗟来之食。）I’m looking for a motherfucking job!（我只是想他妈的找份工作！）
负责人：Excuse me.
匪徒：You heard me. A motherfucking job.（别装聋，我要一份他妈的工作！）Don’t you see, if you give me money, that’ll just help me in the short term. But a job, that’ll help me develop valuable job skills and experience.（不明白吗？如果给我钱，只能解决短期的问题，但工作可以让我获得宝贵的技能和经验。）It’s like teaching a man how to fish.（授人鱼不如授人以渔。）So quit stalling, get your bitch ass back there……（不要拖延时间了，滚到后面去）And give me a 40 hour week position, With vacation pay and benefits. And don’t make me ask twice. Back that ass up.（给我安排一个有双休日的职位，要有带薪休假和福利，我没那么多耐心，快点儿安排去！）
场景二：
匪徒：Let’s go, let’s go. I can help the next person in line. You in that apricot sweater suit,you're your bitch ass on over here now. How can I help you today? （继续，继续，我可以给你们提供服务。 穿杏色毛衣的女士，死到这来。要帮忙吗？）
女士：I’d like to deposit this check, please, into my savings account. And then I need to withdraw……（我想把这张支票存入储蓄账户。我还要取……）
匪徒：Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just shut the fuck up for a minute.（打住，打住！你他妈的停一下！） 对负责人讲：What you fuck do in? You call in the cops?（你他妈的在干什么？你在报警吗？） 负责人：No！
匪徒：If that’s the goddamned cops（如果是警察！）
负责人：No, no! I swear. I was just on with an account holder. I was advising him……（不是，我发誓！我和客户在通电话，我建议他……）
匪徒：I’m gonna kill you!（我杀了你！）
（接电话）匪徒：Who the fuck’s this? You a cop? （你是谁？警察吗？）Well, what I recommend is that you keep at least 500 in your checking……To just avoid the minimum balance fee……And put the rest in our money market , which will earn you an additional 2% interest. Right. You have a nice day, sir, my pleasure.（我建议你在账户上至少留500元，这样才不会扣最低存款服务费，把你余下的钱交给我们投资，你可以另外获得2%的利息。对，祝您今天愉快，很荣幸为您效劳。）
（对负责人）Oh，sorry. My bad.（对不起，是我不好）
负责人：That’s OK, honest mistake.（没关系，你不是故意的）
经理：Armed gunman, I’ve been watching you. And I just say, I’m impressed. How’d you like to be our new customer services supervisor?（拿枪的，我一直在观察你。老实说，你很有才干，