Lesson 11 Not guilty
Going through the Customs is a tiresome business. The strangest thing about it is that really honest people are often made to feel guilty. The hardened professional smuggler, on the other hand, is never troubled by such feelings, even if he has five hundred gold watches hidden in his suitcase. When I returned from abroad recently, a particularly officious young Customs Officer clearly regarded me as a smuggler.
'Have you anything to declare?' he asked, looking me in the eye.
'No,' I answered confidently.
'Would you mind unlocking this suitcase please ?'
'Not at all,' I answered.
The Officer went through the case with great care. All the things I had packed so carefully were soon in a dreadful mess. I felt sure I would never be able to close the case again. Suddenly, I saw the Officer's face light up. He had spotted a tiny bottle at the bottom of my case and he pounced on it with delight.
'Perfume, eh?' he asked sarcastically. 'You should have declared that.' Perfume is not exempt from import duty.'
'But it isn't perfume,' I said.' It's hair-oil.' Then I added with a smile,' It's a strange mixture I make myself.' As I expected, he did not believe me.
'Try it!' I said encouragingly.
The Officer unscrewed the cap and put the bottle to his nostrils. He was greeted by an unpleasant smell which convinced him that I was telling the truth. A few minutes later, I was able to hurry away with precious chalk-marks on my baggage.
现在的海关官员往往相当宽容。但是，当你通过绿色通道，没有任何东西需要申报时，他们仍可以拦住你。甚至是最诚实的人也常弄得觉得有罪似的，而老练的职业走私犯却使手提箱里藏着500只金表，却也处之泰然。最近一次，我也出国归来，碰上一位特别好管闲事的年轻海关官员，他显然把我当成走私犯。
“您有什么需要申报的吗？”他直盯着我的眼睛问。
“没有。”我自信地回答说。
“请打开这只手提箱好吗？”
“好的。”我回答说。
那位官员十分仔细地把箱子检查了一遍。所有细心包装好的东西一会儿工夫就乱成一团。我相信那箱子再也关不上了。突然，我看到官员脸上露出了得意的神色。他在我的箱底发现了一只小瓶，高兴地一把抓了起来。
“香水，嗯？”他讥讽地说道，“你刚才应该申报，香水要上进口税的。”
“不，这不是香水，”我说，“是发胶。”接着我脸带微笑补充说：“这是一种我自己配制的奇特的混合物。”
“你就闻一闻吧！”我催促说。
海关官员拧开瓶盖，把瓶子放到鼻子底下。一股怪味袭来，使他相信了我说的真话。几分钟后，我终于被放行，手提划着宝贵的粉笔记号的行李，匆匆离去。