【点评】
该篇作文在逻辑、语言方面做到了平衡、全面、出色。
首先，在逻辑上，该篇文章做到了合理合情：起初，主人公身陷森林，内心充满了悔恨，在面对困难时焦虑、畏惧；之后，主人公努力求生，最终获救，并且领悟到了一定的人生道理。纵观整个故事，情节发展不仅符合两段给出的开头所限定的情景要求，而且还设置了一定的悬念，增强了故事的可读性。
在语言上，这篇文章并没有一味采用大词、难词，而是在高中词汇范围内精挑细选，活用了许多小词，增加了许多阅读趣味。例如，文章第一句“an absolute darkness ruled the forest”中，“rule”一词就使用了拟人的修辞手法，让森林阴森黑暗的一面展露无遗，同时描绘出主人公身处绝境的紧迫性。在“Eager and excited, she flagged her yellow blouse...”一句中，直接将情绪形容词放在句首，使用了非谓语动词的语法，表达精练。
此外，“There, she saw her husband, a man staring at her, wearing an expression of relief.”一句中，使用了几个短句，却包含了两处非谓语动词语法，同时活用了“wear”一词，把两个人相见时的场景生动地描绘了出来。
总体来说，这篇文章反映出该考生课外阅读较多，平时应有较多练笔。 范例二
But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky, weakly shining in the moon-eclipsed darkness. Rages and apprehension calmed down and exhaustions came dominating Jane as she hopelessly fell down into the soft grass. The transparent stream sounded amusing and was no longer as infuriated as the stream of her mind hours ago. She thought about Tom, memories flooding out as she closed her eyes and recalled the kindness of him. Regretfully, she fell asleep, flower singing adhering to her ears (flowers’ singing adhering to her ears).
It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Sunshine embraced the forest plain, reflecting to bloom
her yellow blouse to be an attractive “flower”. In her sleepy eyes, a helicopter was right in the sky. Wild with joy, she jumped up, grabbing the blouse and flourishing it while crying. The helicopter spotted her and began to land on the grass. “It’s Tom! I know he will, he will come!” A pair of astounded hand reached Jane’s cheek. “Where did you go? If something happened to you, I’ll always have it on my conscience.” They hugged more tightly. “I’m sorry.” Jane said.
【点评】
这篇文章最大的特色就是语言能力非常突出。
首先，全文使用了非常多的高级词汇，如“cluster, rage, dominate, infuriated”等等。这些词汇不仅准确地描绘出人物的动作，而且对环境描写也更为生动。不过，其词汇的使用也有一些只求大、不注意词义搭配自然程度的嫌疑，甚至有误用，如“adhere, flourish, astound”等。在修辞方面，文章多处使用拟人修辞手法，如“Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky, weakly shining in the moon-eclipsed darkness.”以及“Sunshine embraced the forest plain.”两句中，两个动词“decorate”，“embrace”使用了拟人。在语法上，全文主要使用非谓语动词，力求用最精练的语言表达出最生动的画面。
值得一提的是，文章虽然没有使用许多句式，但却从没给读者句子重复、单调的感觉，究其原因，是作者巧妙地给每句话设置了不同的主语。另外，本文每句话采用的写作切入角度也值得研究。例如，第一段中，作者从远景（stars, sky）到近景（stream），再到细节特写（ears），勾勒出了故事发生的不同场景，让故事显得有血有肉，情节丰满，这也成为了文章逻辑上的出彩点。
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范例三
But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Desperate and hopeless, Jane knelt down, tears streaming down her face. Never in her wildest dream had she thought that she would run into such serious trouble. However, she had no alternative but pace back and forth in the forest. It suddenly occurred to her that she had a family and Tom to attend to, anyway, she should try her best to find the lake. After seemingly a long time, Jane felt tired and lay down in the darkness.
It was daybreak when Jane woke up. She picked up the confidence and slowly walked along the stream. To her great joy, she eventually arrived at an open area. Praying that the helicopter would come back again, Jane sat down. After what seemed a long time, she could hear a voice somewhere at a distance. With her eyes sparkling, she struggled to her feet and shouted, “I’m here!” To her surprise, it was Tom. Upon seeing Jane, Tom immediately rushed out to her, folding his arms around her.
【点评】
首先，在逻辑上，文章前半段对剧情的合理拓展非常符合情境：主人公从悔恨到无奈，最终鼓起勇气寻找出路。情节的丰富曲折增强了故事的可读性。
在语言方面，文章使用了多种句型，如“Never in her wildest dream had she thought that she would run into such serious trouble.”一句使用了倒装句；“It suddenly occurred to her that she had a family and Tom to attend to.”一句用了主语从句；“Praying that the helicopter will come back again, Jane sat down.”一句使用了非谓语动词。句型的多变避免了句子的单调乏味，使文章更有灵性。同时，一些词汇的使用也使文章比较生动，例如“Desperate and hopeless, Jane knelt down, tear streaming down her face.”一句中，“stream”的使用非常贴切。
范例四
But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Feeling unbearably cold and extremely exhausted, Jane was quite at a loss as to how to cope with the terrible situation. She could do nothing but keep on going to find an open place, praying that the helicopter would come again. Nevertheless, there was not a soul in sight and everything was so dead-looking. Being in the depth of despair, Jane tried in vain to keep back her tears and promised herself that she would by no means quarrel with Tom again. So weak was Jane that she lay on the ground and fell asleep again.
It was daybreak when Jane woke up. To her great joy, a helicopter was just right over her head. She yelled with all her strength in a desperate attempt to free herself. This time, luckily, Jane was spotted and ultimately saved by the people in the helicopter. Then she was sent to the local police station. At the front door stood her dear husband who suffered great anxiety when Jane was nowhere to be found. Tears of joy and relief welled up as they finally held each other tightly. Jane’s yellow blouse was badly worn out but that’s no big deal. What was more significant was that they started to know that toleration would always be the best policy.
【点评】
该作文最大的亮点在于其语言的地道性。从文中使用了“at a loss”，“in a desperate attempt”，“spot”，“worn out”等词。同时，该考生的组句能力也非常出色。文章中出现了多个长句、复杂句，例如“Feeling unbearably cold and extremely exhausted, Jane was quite at a loss as to how to cope with the terrible situation.”一句中，非谓语动词是其中的亮点语法，表达了人物当时的身体状况。
值得一提的是，该篇作文中没有一处出现人物对话，但仍然保证了故事的可读性与真实感。为何？因为作者对故事的各个情境、人物的动作、心理活动等方面都进行了细致入微的描绘，代替了语言相对简单的对话，反而让文章的语言显得更书面化。这一点，值得各位考生借鉴——人物对话写得越多，意味着作文的口语程度越高，往往不太容易得分，如果犯错，却容易失分，所以不太建议用大量对话。
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考场写作注意三点 审题：逻辑与情节的碰撞 读后续写作为新题型，对学生的审题在量与质两方面提出了前所未有的复杂要求。面对长篇文章，许多考生第一想法是直接下手阅读，但是，我们在分析叙事篇章时，应该先追本溯源，明确其写作六要素。不论故事多么复杂，都可以把其中的主要事件用六要素串联成单句。 再来谈谈情节。根据情节逻辑的发展，在合理合情的范围内发散故事情节，用短句或关键词写下故事剩余部分的大事件：转折点、高潮、结局。这样一来，故事的骨架就设立起来了，在之后的写作过程中，考生能避免写偏写怪。例如： 第一段：“No more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.” 可以理解成作者的陈述，也可以当成Jane对形势的判断，故接下来续写:a) Jane如何吃饱如何找到安全的地方休息，如何满心失望与后悔并鼓励自己坚持下去。 b) Jane放弃直升机营救，在月光等条件允许下沿着stream继续走，试图走到lake。 无论a还是b，Jane都在不安与期待中入睡。 第二段：a)Jane获救，可以是直升机方式，也可以是走到lake见到Tom, 还可以半路上见到Tom所在的救援队；当然，最好的方式是直升机营救。b）获救时的表情、动作与心情也重点描绘。c）结尾可作简短的点题。 如果是摔倒，体力不支昏迷，可以第二段写人在医院或家里。 读后续写中还有一个新颖、重要的要求：选择五个及以上下划线词。我们可以按照以下方法选择下划线词：⑴将每个下划线词与六要素一一对应；⑵ 找出who, what, how对应的下划线词，这些词就是文章的主干信息点，考生应该尽量多选择这些词汇，易于后文的故事组织。 写作：坚持信、达、雅 “信、达、雅”分别指逻辑准确、词句正确、语言优美。逻辑方面，我们已经在上文深入分析过。那么如何做到词句正确、语言优美？ ⑴ 词句正确：词性词形不可乱 典型的词性词形错误有：动词与名词混用，形容词与副词混用，动词单数形式错用，动词时态错用，名词单复数形式错用。 例如：①because she want to… ; ② Jane want to wait; ③But she succeed; ④ She flag her yellow blouse at a distance ;⑤ She hold him and tell him how much she loved him.; ⑥Ehausted, she fall asleep. 正确版：① because she wanted to…; ② Jane wanted to wait; ③ But she succeeded; ④She flagged her yellow blouse at a distance; ⑤ She held him and told him how much she loved him; ⑥ Exhausted, she fell asleep. ⑵ 语言优美：大词用对、小词用活 例如 “Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky, weakly shining in the moon-eclipsed darkness.”一眼看过去，这句话非常出色。语法上使用了非谓语动词；语言上使用了许多大词，如“cluster, eclipse”。 不过，大词虽好，应注意正确性，小词虽普通，却也能画龙点睛。如单词“weakly”就是点睛之笔。“weakly”本意为“虚弱地”，在该句中表达的是星星隐隐闪现的景象。 复查：语言、逻辑、规范 写后复查是作文的保险杠，复查主要应关注时态、句型、逻辑、标点等问题。检查句型时，考生应侧重句子的语法与语气检查，一定要分析句子主干是否完整，同时，句子的肯定、否定等语气也需要仔细检查。 逻辑的检查也是必不可少的环节。要注意在上下文中选用合适的逻辑连词。需要指出的是，语义的连贯也是逻辑顺畅的表现。如果在短短的上下文中大量采用逻辑连词，反而可能生硬牵强。标点的正确书写也很容易被忽视。逗号与句号的清晰书写也是需要考生关注的。 另外，需要仔细检查其他的一致性，如人称的一致性、单复数的一致性。 最后需要强调下划线词语的选用、字数控制和卷面整洁等问题. 8