\love you, Bob.\\love you, too, Nancy.\It was 2 a.m. and I was hearing my parents' voices through the thin wall separating my bedroom from theirs. Their loving reassurances were sweet,touching-and surprising.
我爱你,鲍勃。”“我也爱你,南希。“这是2点,我听到父母的声音通过薄壁分离从他们的卧室。他们的爱保证甜,触摸和惊讶。
My parents married on September 14, 1940, after a brief courtship. She was nearing 30 and knew itwas time to start a family. The handsome, well-educated man who came by the office where she worked looked like a good bet. He was captivated by her figure, her blue eyes. The romance didn't last long.
我的父母结婚于1940年9月14日,经过短暂的求爱。她已接近30,知道是时候开始一个家庭。英俊的,受过良好教育的人的办公室里,她看上去像一个不错的选择。他被她迷住了,她的蓝眼睛。浪漫并没有持续多久。
Seeds of difference sprouted almost immediately. She liked to travel; he hated the thought. He loved golf; she did not. He was a Republican, while she was an ardent Democrat. They fought atthe bridge table, at the dinner table, over money, over the perceived failings of their
in-laws. To make matters worse, they owned a business together, and the everyday frustrations of life at the office came to roost at home.
差异几乎立刻发芽的种子。她喜欢旅行,他讨厌的思想。他喜欢打高尔夫球,她没有。他是共和党人,而她是一个热心的民主党人。他们在桥表,在餐桌上,在金钱上,察觉他们的亲家的失败。更糟的是,他们拥有一个业务在一起,每天的生活挫折在办公室来栖息在家里。 There was a hope that they would change once they retired, and the furious winds did calm
somewhat, but what remained steeled itself into bright, hard bitterness. I always thought we'd my mother would begin, before launching into a precise listing of my father's
faults. The litanywas recited so often that I can reel it off by heart today. As he listened, my father would mutter angry threats and curses. It was a miserable duet.
有一个希望,他们将改变一旦他们退休,与激情的风确实有所平静,但仍下定决心到明亮,艰难的痛苦。我一直认为我们母亲将开始,前一个准确的清单我父亲的缺点。litanywas背诵以至于我今天可以滔滔不绝地在心中。听着,我父亲还愤怒的威胁和诅咒。这是一个悲惨的二重奏。
It wasn't the happiest marriage, but as their 60th anniversary approached, my sister and I decided to throw a party. Sixty years was a long time, after all; why not try to make the best
of things? We'd provide the cake, the balloons, the toasts, and they'd abide by one rule: no fighting. The truce was honored. We had a wonderful day. In hindsight it was an important celebration, because soon after, things began to change for my parents. As debilitating dementia settled in,their marriage was about the only thing they wouldn't lose.
这不是最幸福的婚姻,但是当他们结婚60周年的临近,我的妹妹和我决定举行宴会。六十年是很长一段时间,毕竟,为什么不尝试做出最好的东西呢?我们会提供蛋糕,气球,祝酒,他们也遵循一个规则:没有战斗。停战是荣幸。我们有一个愉快的一天。事后看来,这是一个重要的庆典,因为不久之后,事情开始改变我的父母。退行性痴呆定居,他们的婚姻是他们唯一不会输。
It began when their memories started to fade. Added to the frequent house-wide hunts for glasses and car keys were the groceries left behind on the counter, notices of bills left unpaid. Soon my
parents couldn't remember names of friends, then of their grandchildren. Finally they didn't remember that they had grandchildren.
它始于他们的记忆开始消退。添加到频繁house-wide寻找眼镜和车钥匙是杂货遗留在柜台上,通知的账单未付。不久,我的父母不记得名字的朋友,然后他们的孙子。最后他们不记得他们曾孙子。
These crises would have at one time set them at each other's throats, but now they acted as a team, helping each other with searches, consoling each other with \\
这些危机将有一次他们在对方的喉咙,但现在他们作为一个团队,互相帮助与搜索,彼此安慰与“每个人有产假”,或“没什么,你只是累了。“他们发现新的roles-bolstering彼此对损失的恐惧。
Financial control was the next thing to go. For all of their marriage, my parents stubbornly kept separate accounts. Sharing being unthinkable, they'd devised financial arrangements so elaborate that they could trigger war at any time. He, for example, was to pay for everything outside the house, she for whatever went on inside. The who-pays dilemma was so complex for one trip that they finally gave up traveling entirely.
财务控制是接下来要走。他们的婚姻,我的父母固执地保持独立账户。共享是不可想象的,他们设计了财务安排如此精心设计的,在任何时候他们可能会引发战争。例如,他支付一切在房子外面,她无论内部。谁来困境非常复杂,一次,他们终于彻底放弃了旅行。
I took over the books. Now no one knew how things got paid. Next I hired a
housekeeper. Cooking and cleaning, chores my mother had long complained about, were suddenly gone. Finally-on doctor's orders-we cleared the house of alcohol, the fuel that turned more than one quarrel into a raging fight.
我接管了书。现在没有人知道事情是怎么支付。接下来,我雇了一个管家。做饭和清洁,家务我妈妈一直抱怨,突然消失了。终于在医生的订单我们扫清了酒精,燃料,一个以上的争吵变成了激烈的战斗。
You could say my parents' lives had been whittled away, that they could no longer engage in the business of living. But at the same time, something that had been buried deep was coming up and taking shape. I saw it when my father came home after a brief hospital stay.
你可以说我父母的生活被削弱,他们的生活再也不能从事的业务。但与此同时,被深埋和成形。我看到我父亲回家的时候经过短暂的住院。
We'd tried to explain my father's absence to my mother, but because of her memory, she could not keep it in her head why he had disappeared. She asked again and again where he was, and again and again we told her. And each day her anxiety grew.
我们试图解释我父亲的缺席我的母亲,但由于她的记忆,她不能把它放在她的头为什么他已经消失了。她问他一次又一次,我们一次又一次地告诉她。每天和她的焦虑了。
When I finally brought him home, we opened the front door to see my mother sitting on the sofa. As he stepped into the room, she rose with a cry. I stayed back as he slowly walked toward her and she toward him. As they approached each other on legs rickety with age, her hands fluttered over his face. \
当我终于带他回家,我们打开前门,看到妈妈坐在沙发上。当他走进房间的时候,她哭了。我住在他慢慢走向她,她向他。当他们接近对方腿上摇摇晃晃的随着年龄的增长,她的手飘落在他的脸上。“哦,你就在那里,”她说。“你就在那里。”
I don't doubt that if my mother and father magically regained their old vigor, they'd be back
fighting. But I now see that something came of all those years of shared days-days of sitting at the same table, waking to the same sun, working and raising children together. Even the very fury they lavished on each other was a brick in this unseen structure that reveals itself increasingly as the world around them falls apart.
我不怀疑,如果我的母亲和父亲奇迹般地恢复了活力,他们会打回来。但我现在看到的东西是那些年的共享days-days坐在同一个表,醒着同样的阳光,一起工作和抚养孩子。甚至非常愤怒,他们挥霍在彼此在这看不见的砖结构,揭示了本身越来越像周围的世界分崩离析。 In the early morning I once again heard the voices through the wall. \asked. \How lucky they are, I thought, to have each other.
清晨我再次听到的声音穿过墙壁。“我们在哪里?“我父亲问。“我不知道,”我母亲轻声回答道。 他们是多么的幸运,我想,对方。