B = Ronnie Barker; C = Ronnie Corbett
B: I say, that was, that was really jolly good that was. I must say I really enjoyed that. Thanks very much. C: That’s fine. Fine.
B: I say, it’s, it’s a super game, isn’t it? I, I can’t understand why I’ve never tried it before. Absolutely lovely. I loved it. But thanks to you, old boy, of course, from now on, I shall be a dedicated squish player. C: Squash. B: Pardon?
C: The game is called “squash”.
B: Oh squash, yes, that’s right. I’m sorry. Um … who actually won? I mean, I couldn’t quite grasp the scoring mechanism. I mean, did I, did I win? C: Yes, you … yes, you won, you won. B: Oh, that’s good. How many goals did I get? C: Goals?!
B: Well, you know, er … thingies, er … whatever … runs …. C: Points! B: … runs … ah, points! C: Points! B: Points, yes. C: Points.
B: How many points did I get?
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C: Well, the score was, if you want to know, game-love, game-love, game-love, game-love. You see? B: Yes.
C: You won … four games to love! B: Oh, I see. So, I got four and you got love. C: Yeah.
B: I see. But how many is love? C: Love is nothing.
B: Oh no, no. That’s not right, I’m sure, because I’m sure you got a goal, earlier on, right at the beginning. C: A point! B: A point, I mean.
C: A point, yes, well of course I did. That was when you …
B: Oh, I know, I was holding the thing by the wrong end. I must remember, hold the bat by the thin end. C: The racket! B: Racket, I mean. C: The racket! B: Yes.
C: This is … this is a ball. B: Yes.
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C: The game is called “squash”. B: Yes.
C: Let’s start from basic principles. B: Yes.
C: The whole thing is called “squash”. B: Squash. C: This is a ball. B: Yes.
C: This is a ... racket when you do that. That’s what that is. That is a racket. B: I see. Will it work now you’ve done that? C: Ah … I don’t much care, to be honest. I mean … I’m not going to be playing squash anymore ever!
B: Oh, I say. That’s a pity, because I was hoping we could have another game next week. I mean, I can, I thought, well you know, I thought I might get a bit better. C: A bit better? A bit better?! Look matey, I’m the secretary of this squash club. You know. I, I, I mean, I captain the A-team. You know. I’m one of the best players round here, as a matter of fact. You know, I won the area finals last year, all that sort of thing, you know. You know, I’m good. You know, good. And you come along here, if I may say so. You’ve never played the game before. You’re vastly overweight, if I may say so. You’re very slow on the court. You’ve gone out on that court, and you’ve thrashed me. You’ve pounded me into the ground. You pulverized me, in front of my friends, four games to love! Well, how do you do it?
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B: Beginner’s luck?
C: It’s a fluke. That’s what it is, a fluke, matey. It won’t happen again. I’ll tell you what … It won’t happen the next time.
B: No, well, there won’t be a next time, will there? Because you’ve broken your rocket.
C: My racket! I’ll get a new one. I don’t care. I’ll get a new one. Look, mate. I’ll get a new one, and tomorrow morning, here, 10 o’clock, things will be different! B: Oh no, no. Sorry, old boy. No, not tomorrow. No can do. C: What do you mean, “No can do”?
B: I’ve got to go up to a place called Lords tomorrow. I’ve got to play a game called “cracket” or something.
Speaking for communication Role-play Scripts Conversation 1 D = Doctor; W = Woman D: Hello. I’m Dr. Andrews. Now, what’s the matter?
W: Well, doctor, I feel terrible. I get these headaches and I feel sick. D: Oh. How long have you had this problem?
W: A few weeks now. And I can’t sleep at night because my head hurts. D: You can’t sleep?
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W: That’s right.
D: And are you very worried or under pressure at the moment? W: No, I don’t think so. D: Do you have a healthy diet? W: Hmm. Quite healthy. D: Do you drink tea or coffee? W: Yes, I do. D: How much?
W: Tea? Er … probably about eight cups, or ten. D: A day? W: Yes.
D: I see. And has that changed in the last few weeks? W: Not really.
D: OK. Well the first thing is I think you should stop drinking so much tea and coffee. Try to drink just one small cup a day. I’ll give you some painkillers for the headaches. Take two of these three times a day. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about, but if your headaches continue … Conversation 2 D = Doctor; M = Man D: Good morning. How can I help? M: Well, I’m worried about my foot. D: Your foot?
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