simply watching. Older viewers watch guests discuss issues with Oprah Winfrey, but no one will turn to the home viewers to ask their opinion.
Worst of all, TV presents a false picture of reality that leaves viewers frustrated because they don't have the beauty or wealth of the characters on television. Viewers absorb the idea that everyone else in the United States owns a lavish apartment, a suburban house, a sleek car, and an expensive wardrobe. Every detective, police officer, oil baron, and lawyer, male or female, is suitable for a pinup poster. The material possessions on TV shows and commercials contribute to the false image of reality. News anchors and reporters, with their perfect hair and makeup, must fit television's standard of beauty. From their modest homes or cramped apartments, many viewers tune in daily to the upper-middle-class world that TV glorifies.
Television discourages communication. Families watching television do very little talking except for brief exchanges during commercials. If Uncle Bernie or the next-door neighbors drop in for a visit, the most comfortable activity for everyone may be not conversation but watching ESPN. The family may not even be watching the same set; instead, in some households, all the family members head for their own rooms to watch their own sets. At dinner, plates are plopped on the coffee table in front of the set, and the meal is wolfed down during NBC Nightly News. During commercials, the only communication a family has all night may consist of questions like \
Television, like cigarettes or saccharin, is harmful to our health. We are becoming isolated, passive, and frustrated. And, most frightening, the average viewer now spends more time watching television than ever before.
Essay 2
The Benefits of Television
We hear a lot about the negative effects of television on the viewer. Obviously, television can be harmful if it is watched constantly to the exclusion of other activities. It would be just as harmful to listen to CDs all the time or to eat constantly. However, when television is watched in moderation, it is extremely valuable, as it provides relaxation, entertainment, and education.
First of all, watching TV has the value of sheer relaxation. Watching television can be soothing and restful after an eight-hour day of pressure, challenges, or concentration. After working hard all day, people look forward to a new episode of a favorite show or yet another showing of Casablanca or Sleepless in Seattle. This period of relaxation leaves viewers refreshed and ready to take on the world again. Watching TV also seems to reduce stress in some people. This benefit of television is just beginning to be recognized. One doctor, for example, advises his patients with high blood pressure to relax in the evening with a few hours of television.
In addition to being relaxing, television is entertaining. Along with the standard comedies, dramas, and game shows that provide enjoyment to viewers, television offers a variety of movies and sports events. Moreover, in many areas, viewers can pay a monthly fee and receive special cable programming. With this service, viewers
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can watch first-run movies, rock and classical music concerts, and specialized sports events, like international soccer and Grand Prix racing. Viewers can also buy or rent movies to show on their television sets through DVD players or VCRs. Still another growing area of TV entertainment is video games. Cartridges are available for everything from electronic baseball to Mortal Kombat, allowing the owner to have a video game arcade in the living room.
Most important, television is educational. Preschoolers learn colors, numbers, and letters from public television programs, like Sesame Street, that use animation and puppets to make learning fun. Science shows for older children, like Fun with Nature, go on location to analyze everything from volcanoes to rocket launches. Adults, too, can get an education (college credits included) from courses given on television. Also, television widens our knowledge by covering important events and current news. Viewers can see and hear presidents' speeches, state funerals, natural disasters, and election results as they are happening. Finally, with a phone line and a special terminal, television allows any member of the family to access and learn from all the information resources on the Internet.
Perhaps because television is such a powerful force, we like to criticize it and search for its flaws. However, the benefits of television should not be ignored. We can use television to relax, to have fun, and to make ourselves smarter. This electronic wonder, then, is a servant, not a master.
Exercise:
Fill in the blanks.
Essay _______ makes its point more clearly and effectively because ___________________.
Comment In this case, Essay 2 is more effective because the material is organized clearly and logically. Using emphatic order, the writer develops three positive uses of television, ending with the most important use: television as an educational tool. The writer includes transitional words that act as signposts, making movement from one idea to the next easy to follow. The major transitions include First of all, In addition, and Most important; transitions within paragraphs include such words as Moreover, Still another, too, Also, and Finally. And this writer also uses a linking sentence (\addition to being relaxing, television is entertaining\to tie the first and second supporting paragraphs together clearly.
Although Essay 1 is unified and supported, the writer does not have any clear and consistent way of organizing the material. The most important idea (signaled by the phrase Worst of all) is discussed in the second supporting paragraph instead of being saved for last. None of the supporting paragraphs organizes its details in a logical fashion. The first supporting paragraph, for example, discusses older viewers, then goes to younger viewers, then jumps back to older people again. The third supporting paragraph, like the first, leaps from an opening idea (families talking only during commercials) to several intervening ideas and then back to the original idea (talking during commercials). In addition, essay 1 uses practically no transitional devices to guide the reader.
These two essays lead us to the third base of effective writing: coherence. All the supporting ideas and sentences in a paper must be organized so that they cohere, or \
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been discussed in Chapter 3, key techniques for tying together the material in a paper include a clear method of organization (such as time order or emphatic order), transitions, and other connecting words.
2. Revising for Coherence Exercise:
On a separate sheet of paper, revise one of the three supporting paragraphs in \Effects of Watching Television\by providing a clear method of organizing the material and transitional words.
Base 4: Sentence Skills
1. Understanding Sentence Skills
Following are the opening paragraphs from two essays. Both are unified, supported, and organized, but one version communicates more clearly and effectively. Which one, and why?
Essay 1, First Part
\
1
Revenge is one of those things that everyone enjoy. 2People don't like to talk
3
about it, though. Just the same, there is nothing more tempting, more satisfying, or with the reward of a bit of revenge. The purpose is not to harm your victims. But to let them know that you are upset about something they are doing. Careful plotting can provide you with relief from bothersom coworkers, gossiping friends, or nagging family members.
7
Coworkers who make comments about the fact that you are always fifteen minutes late for work can be taken care of very simply. 8The first thing that you should do is to get up extra early one day. 9Before the sun comes up, drive to each coworker's house, reach under the hood of his car, and disconnected the center wire that leads to the distrib. cap. 10The car will be unharmed, but it will not start, and
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your friends at work will all be late for work on the same day. If your lucky, your boss might notice that you are the only one there and will give you a raise. 12Later if you feel guilty about your actions you can call each person anonymously and tell them how to get the car running. . . .
Essay 2, First Part
A Bit of Revenge
Revenge is one of those things that everyone enjoys. People don't like to talk about it, though. Just the same, there is nothing more tempting, more satisfying, or more rewarding than a bit of revenge. The purpose is not to harm your victims but to let them know that you are upset about something they are doing to you. Careful plotting can provide you with relief from bothersome coworkers, gossiping friends, or nagging family members.
Coworkers who make comments about the fact that you are always fifteen minutes late for work can be taken care of very simply. The first thing that you should do is to get up extra early one day. Before the sun comes up, drive to each
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6
4
5
coworker's house. Reach under the hood of your coworker's car and disconnect the center wire that leads to the distributor cap. The car will be unharmed, but it will not start, and your friends at work will all be late for work on the same day. If you're lucky, your boss might notice that you are the only one there and will give you a raise. Later, if you feel guilty about your actions, you can call your coworkers anonymously and tell them how to get their cars running again. . . .
Exercise:
Fill in the blanks.
Essay _______ makes its point more clearly and effectively because______________________ ______________________________________________________________________________.
Comment Essay 2 is more effective because it uses sentence skills, the fourth base of competent writing. Here are the sentence-skills mistakes in Essay 1:
? The title should not be set off in quotation marks. ? The first letter of the title should be capitalized.
? The singular subject everyone in sentence 1 should have a singular verb: enjoy should be enjoys. ? There is a lack of parallelism in sentence 3: with the reward of should be more rewarding. ? Word group 5 is a fragment; it can be corrected by attaching it to the previous sentence. ? The word bothersom in sentence 6 is misspelled; it should be bothersome.
? The word disconnected in sentence 9 should be disconnect to be consistent in tense with reach, the other verb in the sentence.
? The word distrib. in sentence 9 should be spelled out in full: distributor.
? The first your in sentence 11 stands for you are; an apostrophe and an e must be added: you're. ? Commas must be added in sentence 12 to set off the interrupting words.
? The words each person and the car in sentence 12 need to be changed to plural forms to agree with them.
2. Revising for Sentence Skills
Exercise:
Here are the final three paragraphs from the two essays. Edit the sentences in the first essay to make the corrections needed. Note that comparing essays 1 and 2 will help you locate the mistakes. This activity will also help you identify some of the sentence skills you may want to review in Part Four.
Essay 1, Last Part
... Gossiping friends at school are also perfect targets for a simple act of revenge. A way to trap either male or female friends are to leave phony messages on their lockers. 15lf the friend that you want to get is male, leave a message that a certain girl would like him to stop by her house later that day. 16With any luck, her boyfriend will be there. 17The girl won't know what's going on, and the victim will be
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so embarrassed that he probably won't leave his home for a month. 18The plan works just as well for female friends, too.
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When Mom and Dad and your sisters and brothers really begin to annoy you,
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harmless revenge may be just the way to make them quite down for a while.The dinner table, where most of the nagging probably happens, is a likely place. 21Just before the meal begins, throw a handful of raisins into the food. 22Wait about 5 minutes and, after everyone has began to eat, clamp your hand over your mouth and begin to make odd noises. 23When they ask you what the matter is, point to a raisin and yell, Bugs 24Dumping the food in the disposal, the car will head quickly for mcdonald's. 25That night, you'll have your first quiet, peaceful meal in a long time. Well-planned revenge does not have to hurt anyone. The object is simply to let other people know that they are beginning to bother you. 28You should remember, though, to stay on your guard after completing your revenge. The reason for this is simple, coworkers, friends, and family can also plan revenge on you.
Essay 2, Last part
Gossiping friends at school are also perfect targets for a simple act of revenge. A way to trap either male or female friends is to leave phony messages on their lockers. If the friend that you want to get is male, leave a message that a certain girl would like him to stop by her house later that day. With any luck, her boyfriend will be there. The girl won't know what's going on, and the victim will be so embarrassed that he probably won't leave his home for a month. The plan works just as well for female friends, too.
When Mom and Dad and your sisters and brothers really begin to annoy you, harmless revenge may be just the way to make them quiet down for a while. The dinner table, where most of the nagging probably happens, is a likely place. Just before the meal begins, throw a handful of raisins into the food. Wait about five minutes and, after everyone has begun to eat, clamp your hand over your mouth and begin to make odd noises. When they ask you what the matter is, point to a raisin and yell, \dump their food in the disposal, jump into the car, and head quickly for McDonald's. That night, you'll have your first quiet, peaceful meal in a long time.
Well-planned revenge does not have to hurt anyone. The object is simply to let other people know that they are beginning to bother you. You should remember, though, to stay on your guard after completing your revenge. The reason for this is simple. Coworkers, friends, and family can also plan revenge on you.
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26
27
Practice in Using the Four Bases
You are now familiar with four standards, or bases, of effective writing: unity, support, coherence, and sentence skills. In this section you will expand and strengthen your understanding of the four bases as you evaluate and revise essays for each of them.
1. Revising Essays for Unity
The following essay contains irrelevant sentences that do not relate to the thesis of the essay
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