Laws (Principle) of Lasting Love
By Paul Pearsail
headmaster: n.; principal (a. n.), president/ dean
[1] During my 25 years as a marital therapist (consultant), I have seen hundreds of people disappointed over (about) unfulfilling (unsuccessful) relationships (marriage). I have seen passion turn to (become) poison. I have grieved with patients for the love they lost or never found. (bare infinitive/ Love is blind)
[2] \seemed to love so much (deeply), but now it's gone,\one woman lamented to me. \can't marriage be more than this?\
[3] It can (be colorful/ rich). I was once invited to the 60th anniversary celebration of a remarkable (worth mentioning) couple. I asked the husband, Peter, if he ever felt lonely and wondered where the love between him and Lita had gone. Peter laughed and said, \where your love went, you forgot that you are the one who makes (cultivate/ develop) it. Love is not out there (waiting for you); it's in here between Lita and me.\
[4] I know we can love deeply, tenderly and lastingly (forever). I have seen such love, and I have felt such love myself. Here are the laws (keys) I have discovered for such lasting and loving relationships:
[5] Put time (invest) where love is. A fulfilling (successful) marriage begins when two people make time together their No. 1 priority. If we hope to find (true) love, we must first find (spare, vt.) time for loving.
[6] Unfortunately (unluckily), current (present) psychology rests on (based on) the model of the independent ego. To make a lasting marriage we have to overcome self-centeredness (selfishness). We must go beyond what psychologist Abraham Maslow called \to \
[7] Many couples have experienced a tragic moment that taught them to value the time together. One husband related (said) how he sat trapped in his car after a crash. His wife was outside, crying and banging on the window. \thought I was going to die before we'd (had) had enough time together,\now, and those hours are sacred.\
[8] In crisis, become as one. Just after a couple left my office one evening, I heard what sounded like a gunshot. I looked out the window and saw the couple backing (withdrawing) toward their car, and the shadow of a large figure near a street light. Clinging together, the husband and wife kept backing away. The figure quickened his pace toward them, and the couple joined hands and ran to their car.
[9] As I dialed security (police), the figure came closer, and I saw it was one of our guards. I later discovered that the \know that. Like herd (hunted) animals, they had reacted to danger by coming together, in a \caution circle\
[10] When I was struggling with cancer a few years ago, my wife and I formed our own \caution circle\Anytime (whenever) a doctor came with news of my progress, my wife
would join with me in a mutual embrace (hug). The reports were seldom good during the early phases (stages) of my illness, and one day a doctor brought particularly (especially) frightening news. Gazing at his clipboard, he murmured, \doesn't look like you're going to make it (=succeed).\
[11] Before I could ask a question of this doomsayer, my wife stood up, handed me my robe, adjusted the tubes attached to my body and said, \health.\As (when) she helped me struggle to the door, the doctor approached us. \back,\demanded (ordered) my wife. \
[12] As (When) we walked together down the hall, the doctor attempted (tried) to catch up with us. \who really knows what is going on.\Then she held up her hand to the doctor. \any closer to us.\
[13] The two of us moved as one. We fled (flee->fleet/ escaped) to the safety and hope of a doctor who did not confuse diagnosis with verdict. I could never have made that walk toward wellness (safety/ health) alone. [Two heads are better than one]
[14] Take a loving look. How we see our partners often depends more on how we are than how they are. Husbands and wives are not audience, but participant observers in each other's lives.
[15] \once told me. \couch potato and watches ball games more than he watches me. He's gone from stud to spud.\
[16] \When we got married, you were beautiful. Now you wear that old robe. If I've gone from stud to spud, then you've gone from doll (angel) to drudge (黄脸婆/ 豆腐皮).\(intelligent/ handsome/beautiful/ considerate)
[17] This hurtful, infantile argument illustrates (shows) how spouses, instead of looking for love, may look for flaws. It is a way of seeing.
[18] Author (Writer) Judith Viorst once wrote, \as gorgeous as Robert Redford, as pure (innocent) as Solzhenitsyn, as funny (interesting/ humorous) as Woody Allen, as athletic as Jimmy Connors, and as smart as Albert Einstein. Love is when you realize he's as gorgeous as Woody Allen, as smart (clever) as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Solzhenitsyn, as athletic as Albert Einstein, and nothing like Robert Redford in any category (degree) -- but you'll take (accept) him anyway.\
[19] This law of lasting love instructs (teaches) us to look with instead of for love.
[20] Try another perspective.\wife used to say. \Out=see sth. as].\
[21] \can you say that?\her husband would answer. \with any intelligence could see what a pain (nuisance) your mother is.\
[22] This argument illustrates (show) how some people spend their marriages struggling to change a spouse's mind. People in lasting-love marriages begin with the premise that there are many realities. They learn to accept different points of view. [spend time / money doing sth.]
[23] When this couple broke free of their one-reality trap, their problems were solved. \mother is a loving, caring pain in the neck,\
[24] As another husband said of (comment) his wife, \I
never could. I do the same (thing) for her. We make a marital point of view between the two of us that is totally different from either one of us.\
[25] The lasting marriage is never sure of the separate \has complete confidence that the relationship will grow in a never-ending process of learning.
[26] Look out for No. 2. There is a powerful healing energy that emanates from loving. Lasting love can learn to sense (feel) it, send (give) it and make it grow. We are energized (motivated) by love if we put our energy into loving.
[27] Bad energy springs from (stem from) conflicts that arise (occurred) when two egos collide. When I watch husbands and wives argue with each other, I want to shout: \start loving!\win for your marriage.
[28] Marriage is designed (intended) primarily for giving rather than taking. It is meant (intended) to be a permanent union of two unselfish people. As one husband told me, \old saying was look out for No. 1. But we've learned to look out for No. 2. If you fight for yourself, only you can win. When you fight for your marriage, you both win.\
About the author
Paul Pearsail is an American contemporary author, director of problems of Daily Living Clinic in Sinai Hospital of Detroit, Michigan, lecturer at Henry Ford Community College and Wayne State University and director of Kinsey Summer Institute. His major writings include Master Your Emotions and Improve Your Health (1986), Super Marital Sex: Loving for Life (1987), Super Joy: Delight in Daily Living (1988), etc.
Exercises
I. Reading Comprehension
Answer the following questions or complete the following statements. 1. A couple who wonder where their love has gone probably _____. A. forget that it is they who created the love B. have never been able to find love C. have never had fulfilled relationships D. are too passionate
2. What is the most important thing a couple is supposed to do to have a fulfilling marriage? A. To rest on independent ego. B. To set aside time for loving. C. To go beyond love. D. To learn where love is.
3. What has the husband trapped in a car accident learned about love? A. How sacred love is.
B. How tragic an accident is.
C. The time with his wife is precious.
D. More promises to his wife are necessary.
4. Which of the following best explains \A. A couple are more cautious when they are together. B. It refers to people's herd-animal-like reaction to danger.
C. It is a crisis that is related to both husband and wife.
D. A couple become more closely united into one in times of danger.
5. After hearing the doctor's comment, the author's wife _____. A. believed that the doctor made the diagnosis with evil intentions B. concluded that doctor was no good to her husband C. decided to quit any medical treatment immediately D. demanded to have another favorable verdict
6. Which of the following best illustrates \A. Love me, love my dog. B. Love is blind.
C. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
D. Beauty and chastity (honesty) seldom agree.
7. Spouses looking for flaws instead of love often _____. A. become observers instead of participants in each other's lives B. become couch potatoes and go from stud to spud C. get to know more about each other's weakness D. get mixed up in hurting, babyish arguments
8. The phrase \_____.
A. some people spend their marriages struggling to change a spouse's mind B. short-lived marriages start with the premise that there are many realities C. the lasting marriage is never sure of the separate \D. a couple make a marital point of view that is totally different from either one
9. What does the author mean by \A. To learn to sense love and make it grow. B. To be energized by love.
C. To learn to love instead of fighting for oneself. D. To put energy into loving.
10. Which of the following statements is true according to the text? A. One must try to win in his/her marriage. B. Love is lost when one feels lonely. C. Lasting love is found in all marriages. D. Marriage is more of giving than taking.
II. Vocabulary
A. Read die following sentences and decide which of die four choices Mow each sentence is closest hi meaning to the underlined word.
1. The whole nation grieved for the death of the their president John Kennedy. A. was distressed B. was distributed C. was defeated D. was diminished
2. The central government collided with city parliament over its industrial plans. A. countered B. conflicted C. corresponded D. contested
3. A subtle influence emanates from the teacher upon his students. A. originates B. suffers C. vanishes (disappear) D. transmits 4. At the press conference, the crazy (mad) teenagers fully displayed their infatuation (foolishness) for their favorite movie stars. (fans) A. delusion (view-illusion) B. passion C. miracle (->miraculous) D. inflation
5. Temples, mosques, churches and synagogues are all sacred buildings. A. spiritual B. earthly C. holy (sacred) D. secular (chronic) (circular argument)
6. The dinner table was gorgeous with silver, rare china, and flowers. (going out to dine/ diner/ dinner/ supper) A. beautiful B. luxurious C. lavish D. abundant (adj. enough)
7. Mr. Nathan lamented the fact that for 40 years Israel had been saying it had no one to talk to and now that (since) the other side was prepared to talk, Israel refused. A. recognized B. complained C. stated D. revealed
8. Western efforts to keep criminal money out of the banking system are based on the premise that banks can identify their customers, even when they act through nominees. A. constitution B. insurance
C. prediction (foretell) D. presupposition (presume=think)
9. The committee undertook a comprehensive diagnosis of the city's problem. (commit suicide/ crime/ do)
A. embrace (=hug) B. survey C. investigation D. analysis (->analyze)
10. The frequent hurtful, infantile arguments between couples will inevitably lead to disaster. A. innocent (->ignorant) B. mutual C. simplistic D. childish
B. Choose the best word or expression from the list given for each blank. Use each word or expression only once and make proper changes where necessary.
rest on gaze at break free spring from verdict perspective marital permanent fulfilling ego
1. I used to gaze at it and wish that I could have a dog just like the one in the picture. (gape/ gap)
2. If you manage to break free from your attacker, run to the nearest source of help, whether it's a house with lights on, an open garage, pub (public house/ inn) or shop, or a police or fire station -- any place where you can find people, a telephone, weapons or cover.
3. The boys' attention did not spring from (stem from) concern (worry) for Alec but concern for themselves if Alec was cut (wounded/ hurt) and needed to see the nurse.
4. His lawyers will almost certainly appeal against the verdict (appeal court).
5 Perhaps we are now in a position (ready/ willing) to give, from a parental perspective, an alternative (choice) interpretation (explanation) of what exactly it means to \to terms with (tolerate/ accept)\
6. Not only had the children suffered the loss of a parent but the family was further fragmented by the absence of one or more children as a direct or indirect result of the marital breakdown. 7. China's foreign policy rests on (based on) the principle of equality and mutual benefit. 8. This high quality wax gives car permanent protection against acid rain. 9. We know there are senses (feelings) that feel good, that status and ego are important, and that money is not a substitute for health, happiness, companionship, or emotional security.