托福独立写作文章批改点评

2019-01-12 18:08

智课网TOEFL备考资料

托福独立写作文章批改点评

摘要：中国考生从小写作文就会批改，但是那是中文写作，对于托福英文写作我们该怎么办呢，今天小编就总结整理托福独立写作文章批改点评的相关知识，大家可以一起来看下。

托福写作备考时多看看别的考生写的真题作文是非常有帮助的，能够为自己查漏补缺，今天我们就邀请到了小马托福写作名师为大家现场批改一篇托福作文，希望对大家有所帮助。

今天我们来看一篇完整作文中的微观语言和逻辑问题。以这篇作文为例。作文的写作者是一个国际高中高三的学生，语法属于中等水平，词汇量也并不算大。

老师的完整点评如下：

With the economy growing, people have more choices about the types of transportation(more choices on what types of transportation they can take). Therefore,in my opinion, the public transprotation should be giben prefereutial

financing.with the support of the significant finacing, the taking the piblic transportation will become more convinece than the highways. With the support of the significant finacing, the public transportation will be making the citilizen more confortable than the highways. With the support of the significant finacing, the public transportation will become more faster than the highway.

首段写的挺好，但是略显啰嗦。建议

1. With the support of the significant finacing出现一次就可以了，后面直接罗列三个理由。

2. 所有符号都是后面打一个空格，前面直接跟在最后一个词的后面。

3. 文章首段建议不要出现像therefore这样的词。因为容易引起逻辑的混乱。

With the help of the money,(这样说不好。With a sufficient fund,) the (construction of)public transportation will spend less time than the highway. From my exprience, taking a subway from my office to my home will cost my about 30 minutes. However, i drive my car taking the highway which go through the downtown will cost me about 1 hour. Sometimes i have to faced with the bad traffic when i have to choice the highway. Nevertheless, taking the subway that i do not need to worry about the bad traffic or some other problem happened in the highway. That's (that is the reason why)why i think devote the finacing into the public transportation.

这个中间段虽然有具体的例子，但是在例子前面没有任何逻辑的展开及阐述。这是不够好的。逻辑的缺失会使你的阐述变得很弱，并且会让你的结论变得突兀。这都是使你的分数变低。一个良好的中间段应该是逻辑的展开+个例。两者的比例要调控得当，避免出因为次数过多而写不完的情况。并且在每个中间段后面都应该给出一个站得住脚的结论，通常复制首句即可。

Nowadays, people like citilizen (不如说most citizens 好)want to have some confortable servise during the transportation. For that reason, gaverments should put (invest) more money into the public transportation than the

highway department. (加个on the other hand更好)In order to make a better transportation envirement to the people, the number of the buses should be increasd, more subway line should be established and more confortable seats

should be setted. If the money is put in the highway department, it will waste the money and the citilizen will complain about it.

这段的问题除了语言的缺失之外，缺少了一个更加具体的事例。一个事例必须具备具体人和具体事两方面才可以。个例的缺失也使这段在字数上有所缺失。一个完整中间段的形式因该如下：

中间段结构五层;

主题句—重复理由

拓展句—根据三个无知原则

个例—谁在哪做什么，最好出现对比

数例—编造数据，突出个例不是特例

结尾句—推论+结论

两种细节：主题皆是形和例子主导形;

主题解释形

? 在主题句点出分论点的基础上，再对分论点做出两到三句话的拓展，引申，或解释。

? 无知原则—三个无知

? 假想情况— imagine that

? 主题部分就变成了主题+拓展

? 然后在主题部分之后写一个简短的例子。