华尔街日报：Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior 华人妈妈为什么牛
作者 : 曹武龙
(许多人奇怪中国父母怎么老培养出优秀的子女，他们不明白这些父母的孩子怎么老是数学专家或者音乐天才。这些家庭里有什么秘密？这些秘密是不是可以效仿？这些问题我可以回答，因为我自己就做到了。下面是我的两个女儿，苏菲娅和露伊莎从来不允许做的一些事情)A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
attend a sleepover(不在家过夜) have a play date (参加玩乐日) be in a school play(参演校园剧)
complain about not being in a school play(抱怨不能参演校园剧) watch TV or play computer games(看电视，玩电脑游戏) choose their own extracurricular activities(自己选择课外活动) get any grade less than an A(功课不拿A成绩）
not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama(任何一门功课不拿
第一，除了体育和戏剧)
?
play any instrument other than the piano or violin(弹除了钢琴和小提琴以外的乐
器)
?
not play the piano or violin.(不弹钢琴或小提琴)
I'm using the term \and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise. I'm also using the term \(我 下面说的“中国妈妈”是广义的。我也认识一些韩国的、印度的、牙买加的、爱尔兰的和加纳的父母符合我说的条件。同样地，有些中国血统的妈妈，她们大都在西 方出生，出于个人选择或者其他种种原因，不是“中国妈妈”。我下面说的“西方妈妈”也是泛指，西方
的父母也是各种各样的.)
All the same, even when Western parents think they're being strict, they usually don't come close to being Chinese mothers. For example, my Western friends who consider themselves strict make their children practice their instruments 30 minutes every day. An hour at most. For a Chinese mother, the first hour is the easy part. It's hours two and three that get tough.(几乎没有例外，一些自认为十分严格的西方父母，也和中国妈妈的做法相距甚远。比如，我一些自认自己对孩子很严的西方朋友最多让孩子一天练30分钟乐器。对于中国妈妈来说，一个小时算轻松的，两三个小时才算得上严.)
Despite our squeamishness about cultural stereotypes, there are tons of studies out there showing marked and quantifiable differences between Chinese and Westerners when it comes to parenting. In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that \not good for children\roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way. (我们都大可 对自己的文化特征大惊小怪。但无数的研究分析表明，在父母之道上，中国和西方有显著及可以量化的区别。有一项针对50位美国妈妈和48位中国妈妈的研究显 示70%的西方妈妈认为“强调学习成绩对孩子不好”，或者“父母应该培养学习是愉快的概念”。与此相对比，持同样观点的中国妈妈几乎是0%)
Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be \children did not excel at school then there was \job.\approximately 10 times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By contrast, Western kids are more likely to participate in sports teams.(绝大多数的中 国妈妈说相信自己的孩子可以是“最好的”，“学习成绩显示了父母教育的成功”，如果孩子在学校不优秀，那父母有“问题”，他们“没做好自己的本分”。还有 研究显示，与西方父母相比，中国父母每天花在培训孩子学习上的时间大约多十倍。而西方孩子更多参与体育运动.)
What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents
because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up.(中国家长认 为，任何事情，如果做不好，就不会有意思。要做好，就得努力。孩子如果放任自流，都不会努力，所以不理会他们的喜好是很重要的。要做到这一点，父母必须很 坚强，因为孩子会反抗。万事开头难，西方父母正是在开始阶段就放弃了.)
But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at somethingwhether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet,he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.(但如果方法恰当，中国式的教育可以带来良性循环。顽强的练习、练习、练习是达致完美 的关键，当然美国式的教育中对死记硬背评价甚低。但如果孩子开始在某一方面出类拔萃，不管是数学、钢琴、写作还是芭蕾，他/她就会得到表扬、赞赏和满足 感。于是信心建立，曾经无趣的活动变得有趣起来，然后父母又可以比较轻松地让孩子加倍努力)
Chinese parents can get away with things that Western parents can't. Once when I was youngmaybe more than oncewhen I was extremely disrespectful to my mother, my father angrily called me \and deeply ashamed of what I had done. But it didn't damage my self-esteem or anything like that. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me. I didn't actually think I was worthless or feel like a piece of garbage.(中 国父母会用一些西方父母不会用的招数。我小时候，可能不止一次，当我很不听妈妈话的时候，爸爸就会用我们家乡的福建话骂我是“垃圾”。这很有效。我当时很 不好受，对自己的所作所为感到羞愧。这也没影响我的自尊或其它方面。我很清楚他对我的看法，我也不会觉得自己一无是处或者真就像垃圾一样.)
As an adult, I once did the same thing to Sophia, calling her garbage in English when she acted extremely disrespectfully toward me. When I mentioned that I had done this at a dinner party, I was immediately ostracized. One guest named Marcy got so upset she broke down in tears and had to leave early. My friend Susan, the host, tried to rehabilitate me with the remaining guests.(长大后，我有一次也这么对待苏菲娅，那次她很厉害地顶撞我，我用英文骂她是垃圾。后来在一次晚宴上我提起自己曾经这么干过，立刻就被孤立了。有一个叫玛熙的客人忍无可忍，哭着提前离开。我的朋友，那天当主人的苏珊，整晚忙着修复我和其他客人的关系)
The fact is that Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable even legally actionable to Westerners. Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, \weight.\\disorders and negative self-image. (I also once heard a Western father toast his adult daughter by calling her \garbage.)(事实是中国父母的确能做出西方父母想都想不到的事情，当然是在 法律许可的范围内。中国妈妈可以对女儿说：“胖妞，要减肥了。”而西方父母会小心翼翼地围绕着这个问题说半天，最多提提“健康”之类的话题，连“肥”这个 字儿都不敢说。然后那些孩子最后还是因为暴饮暴食要接受治疗，还把自我形象全毁了。（我曾经听到一位西方父亲在酒席上夸自己成年的女儿“美丽能干”，那女 人事后告诉我她觉得自己像垃圾))
Chinese parents can order their kids to get straight As. Western parents can only ask their kids to try their best. Chinese parents can say, \of you.\about achievement, and try to persuade themselves that they're not disappointed about how their kids turned out.(中国父母可以命令自己的孩子全部都得拿A。西方父母只会要孩子们尽力而为。中国父母会说：“你太懒，你所有的同学都比你强。”而西方父母虽然心里也对孩子的成绩感到不是滋味，嘴上还得言不由衷地告诉孩子他们的成绩没让自己失望.)
I've thought long and hard about how Chinese parents can get away with what they do. I think there are three big differences between the Chinese and Western parental mind-sets.(我也想过为什么中国父母会这么做。我觉得中国和西方父母的思维方式有三大区别.)
First, I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital. In other words, Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.(首 先，我注意到西方父母队孩子的自尊特别在意。如果孩子事情没做好，他们担心的是孩子的感受，然后就不断告诉孩子他们其实很出色，即使孩子在考试和背书中的 表现很一般。也就是说，西方父母特别关心孩子的心理。但中国父母不是，他们在意的是坚强，而不是脆弱，于是结果也截然不同)
For example, if a child comes home with an A-minus on a test, a Western parent will most
likely praise the child. The Chinese mother will gasp in horror and ask what went wrong. If the child comes home with a B on the test, some Western parents will still praise the child. Other Western parents will sit their child down and express disapproval, but they will be careful not to make their child feel inadequate or insecure, and they will not call their child \\比 如，如果孩子拿了个A-回家，西方父母大都会表扬孩子，而中国妈妈却会满脸惊恐，问哪儿错了。如果拿个B回来，部分西方父母还是会表扬孩子，而另一部分西 方父母会和孩子坐下来，表达自己的不满意，但会很小心地不让孩子感到不安或者难受，他们绝不会骂孩子“笨”、“没用”或者“丢人”)
Privately, the Western parents may worry that their child does not test well or have aptitude in the subject or that there is something wrong with the curriculum and possibly the whole school. If the child's grades do not improve, they may eventually schedule a meeting with the school principal to challenge the way the subject is being taught or to call into question the teacher's credentials.(内心里西方父母也担心 孩子没考好，或者孩子对这门课的领悟不够，或者课程甚至学校有问题。如果孩子成绩不提高，父母最后大概会见一次校长，找找这门课教学的问题，甚至质疑任课 老师的资质)
If a Chinese child gets a B which would never happen, there would first be a screaming, hair-tearing explosion. The devastated Chinese mother would then get dozens, maybe hundreds of practice tests and work through them with her child for as long as it takes to get the grade up to an A. (如果中国孩子拿了个B回来，虽然这基本不可能，但首先会是一场夹杂着尖叫和怒发冲冠的大风暴。然后气急败坏的中国妈妈会找来几十份，甚至几百份练习卷，和孩子一起都做了，直到孩子拿个A回来)
Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it. (And when Chinese kids do excel, there is plenty of ego-inflating parental praise lavished in the privacy of the home.)(中国父母要求孩子拿高分，是因为他们相信 孩子能做到。如果孩子没拿到，中国父母首先认为是孩子不够努力，所以成绩不好的解决方法总是斥责、惩罚和羞辱孩子。中国父母相信自己的孩子能够坚强地接受 耻辱，然后提高成绩。（如果孩子成绩优秀，在家里父母会对孩子大加赞赏，甚至到让孩子自我膨胀的程度。）)
Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the