parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud. (其 次，中国父母认为孩子的一切都是欠父母的。这里面的原因还不是很清楚，但也许来自儒家的孝道和父母为孩子做出的牺牲和贡献。（中国妈妈们的确亲力亲为，长 时间孜孜不倦地辅导、培训、盘问和监视自己的孩子。）无论如何，中国孩子必须穷尽一生，以服从和让父母引以为傲来回报父母）
By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents. My husband, Jed, actually has the opposite view. \choose their parents,\who foist life on their kids, so it's the parents' responsibility to provide for them. Kids don't owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids.\deal for the Western parent.(而 相对地，我觉得大多数西方人不会认为孩子永远亏欠父母。我丈夫杰德的观点就和我的正好相反：“孩子没有选择父母，”他曾对我说。“他们甚至没有选择出生。 是父母把生命强加于他们的子女，所以供养子女是父母的责任。孩子不欠父母任何东西，他们的责任在他们自己的孩子身上。”听到这话我觉得西方父母太惨了.)
Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences. That's why Chinese daughters can't have boyfriends in high school and why Chinese kids can't go to sleep away camp. It's also why no Chinese kid would ever dare say to their mother, \I'm Villager Number Six. I'll have to stay after school for rehearsal every day from 3:00 to 7:00, and I'll also need a ride on weekends.\(第 三，中国父母认为自己清楚什么对孩子最好，因而会否决孩子的要求和喜好。所以中国女孩儿不能在中学交男朋友，中国孩子不能去野外露营过夜。中国孩子也不敢 跟自己妈妈说：“我在校园剧里弄了个角色，我演路人甲；我每天3：00到7：00得在学校排练；我这周末要出去玩。”胆敢这么说的中国孩子，上帝保佑你 们)
Don't get me wrong: It's not that Chinese parents don't care about their children. Just the opposite. They would give up anything for their children. It's just an entirely different parenting model.(不要误解：不是中国父母不关心自己的孩子，恰恰相反，他们可以为孩
子放弃一切。只是父母之道的模式不同)
Here's a story in favor of coercion, Chinese-style. Lulu was about 7, still playing two instruments, and working on a piano piece called \composer Jacques Ibert. The piece is really cuteyou can just imagine a little donkey ambling along a country road with its masterbut it's also incredibly difficult for young players because the two hands have to keep schizophrenically different rhythms.(下面是个中国式强迫的正面例子。大概7岁的时候，学着两种乐器的露露在练一首叫“小白驴”的曲子，作者是法国人雅克伊贝。这曲子很生动，可以让人想象到一头小毛驴跟着主人在乡间小路上漫步前行的情景。但对小孩子来说，这曲子非常难，因为需要两只手分别保持不同的节奏.)
Lulu couldn't do it. We worked on it nonstop for a week, drilling each of her hands separately, over and over. But whenever we tried putting the hands together, one always morphed into the other, and everything fell apart. Finally, the day before her lesson, Lulu announced in exasperation that she was giving up and stomped off.(露露弹不下来。我们不停地练了一个礼拜，分手练，一次又一次，但一合起来，两手总是互相影响，然后整个曲子就散了。最后，在回课前一天，露露愤怒地跺脚宣布不练了.)
\. (“马上回钢琴去，”我命令)
\\你不能强迫我\
\Oh yes, I can.\当然可以。”
Back at the piano, Lulu made me pay. She punched, thrashed and kicked. She grabbed the music score and tore it to shreds. I taped the score back together and encased it in a plastic shield so that it could never be destroyed again. Then I hauled Lulu's dollhouse to the car and told her I'd donate it to the Salvation Army piece by piece if she didn't have \Donkey\Army, why are you still here?\Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn't do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic.(回 到钢琴上，露露开始发飚。她又踢又打，抓起乐谱撕烂。我把乐谱用透明胶粘好，然后套在透明塑料里，让她没法再撕。然后把露露的玩具屋拖到车里，说如果她第 二天不
把“小白驴”弹好，就一件一件地捐给救世军。露露说：“你去救世军啊，干嘛还站在这儿？”我威胁不让她吃午饭、晚饭，不给她买圣诞和光明节的礼物， 两年、三年、四年不给她买生日礼物。然后她还是弹错，我说她是故意乱弹，因为她心里害怕自己弹不好。我要她别犯懒，别当胆小鬼，别放纵自己，别装可怜。)
Jed took me aside. He told me to stop insulting Luluwhich I wasn't even doing, I was just motivating herand that he didn't think threatening Lulu was helpful. Also, he said, maybe Lulu really just couldn't do the techniqueperhaps she didn't have thecoordination yethad I considered that possibility? (杰德把我拉到一边，让我不要在羞辱露露了，但我不觉得自己是在这么做。我只是在激励她。但杰德认为吓唬露露也没用，而且，他说，没准儿露露真的就掌握不了这个技巧，也许她协调性还不够，我考虑过这个可能性吗？)
\.(“你就是不看好她，”我反唇相讥)
\That's ridiculous,\(“胡说，”杰德有点恼了。“我当然看好她\
\Sophia could play the piece when she was this age.\苏菲娅在她的年纪会弹这曲子.\
\But Lulu and Sophia are different people,\.(“可露露和苏菲娅是不同的个体啊，”杰德说)
\Oh no, not this,\mimicked sarcastically. \you don't have to lift a finger. I'm willing to put in as long as it takes, and I'm happy to be the one hated. And you can be the one they adore because you make them pancakes and take them to Yankees games.\别，别又来这套，”我翻着白眼说。“每个人都是特殊的个体哈？”我刻薄地模仿道。“失败者也有他们特殊的方式。别紧张，你不用出手。不管多久都我来，我无所谓当恶人。你做你的好人好了，给她们做煎饼，带她们去看棒球赛.\
I rolled up my sleeves and went back to Lulu. I used every weapon and tactic I could think of. We worked right through dinner into the night, and I wouldn't let Lulu get up, not for water, not even to go to the bathroom. The house became a war zone, and I lost my voice yelling, but still there seemed to be only negative progress, and even I began to have doubts.(我卷起袖
子，回到露露身边。竭尽我能想到所有方法和策略，一直练到晚饭后的深夜，不让露露起身，不让喝水，不让上厕所。家里成了战场一样，我喊得喉咙都哑了，但还是不见起色，我自己都开始动摇了.)
Then, out of the blue, Lulu did it. Her hands suddenly came togetherher right and left hands each doing their own imperturbable thingjust like that. (就在这时，无缘无故地，露露弹下来了！她的双手突然配合好了，左右手都有条不紊了，就这么成了！)
Lulu realized it the same time I did. I held my breath. She tried it tentatively again. Then she played it more confidently and faster, and still the rhythm held. A moment later, she was beaming.(露露也发现自己成功了。我屏住呼吸，她又马上试了一次，然后又更自信地弹快了一些，节奏还是很好。一会儿之后，她笑了)
\leave the piano. That night, she came to sleep in my bed, and we snuggled and hugged, cracking each other up. When she performed \weeks later, parents came up to me and said, \so her.\妈妈，看，真容易！”这以后她一次又一次地弹着，不愿意从钢琴上下来。那天夜里，她睡在我床上，我们依偎着抱在一起，说笑着。几个星期后她在一次演出中表演了“小白驴”，其他父母都过来跟我说：“露露弹得真好，她真棒！”)
Even Jed gave me credit for that one. Western parents worry a lot about their children's self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't.(杰德也为此给了我赞许。西方父母太在意孩子的自尊。但作为父母，让他们放弃是对他们自尊最大的伤害。另一方面，做到自己本来以为做不到的事情，是建立自信心最好方式。)
There are all these new books out there portraying Asian mothers as scheming, callous, overdriven people indifferent to their kids' true interests. For their part, many Chinese secretly believe that they care more about their children and are willing to sacrifice much more for them than Westerners, who seem perfectly content to let their children turn out badly. I think it's a misunderstanding on both sides. All decent parents want to do what's best for their children. The Chinese just have a totally different idea of how to do that.(市面上很多书把 亚洲妈妈描绘成狡猾、冷酷、虐待孩子，对孩子真正的兴趣无动于衷。但在中国人看来，
他们比西方人更关心自己的孩子，愿意为孩子作出大得多的牺牲。而西方人 似乎对自己的孩子变坏相当高兴。我觉得两方面都误解了对方。所有真正的父母都想为孩子做到最好，中国人只是在怎么做上思想完全不同)
Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.(西方父母试图尊重孩子的个性，鼓励他们追求自己的****，支持他们自己的选择，然后提供协助，营造环境。而中国人认为保护孩子的最好办法是帮他们准备未来，让他们看到自己的能力，赋予他们有关的技能、工作习惯和内心的自信，这是谁也夺不走的) By AMY CHUA 作者：蔡美儿.