VI. Practice in Organizing and Connecting Specific Evidence
You now know the third step in effective writing: organizing the specific evidence used to support the thesis of a paper. This closing section will expand and strengthen your understanding of the third step in writing. You will work through the following series of activities:
1. Organizing through time or emphatic order 2. Providing transitions
3. Identifying transitions and other connecting words 4. Completing transitional sentences 5. Identifying introductions and conclusions
1. Organizing Through Time or Emphatic Order
Exercise 1:
Use time order to organize the scrambled lists of supporting ideas below. Write l beside the supporting idea that should come first in time, 2 beside the idea that logically follows, and 3 beside the idea that comes last in time.
1. Thesis: When I was a child, Disney movies frightened me more than any other kind.
_____ As a five-year-old, I was terrified by the movie Pinocchio, about a puppet
transformed into a boy.
_____ Although I saw Bambi when I was old enough to begin poking fun at \
the scene during which Bambi's mother is killed has stayed with me to this day.
_____ About a year after Pinocchio, I gripped my seat in fear as the witches and goblins of
Fantasia flew across the screen.
2. Thesis: There are techniques to help you overcome three common pitfalls in making a
cheesecake.
_____ There's only one way to remove the cake cleanly and easily from its pan.
_____ Plan in advance to have your equipment ready and the ingredients at room temperature.
_____ Remember to time the baking process and regulate the oven temperature while the
cake is baking. 3. Thesis: Applying for unemployment benefits was a confusing, frustrating experience.
_____ It was difficult to find both the office and a place to park.
_____ When I finally reached the head of the line after four hours of waiting, the clerk had
problems processing my claim. _____ There was no one to direct or help me when I entered the large office, which was
packed with people.
Exercise 2:
Use emphatic order (order of importance) to arrange the following scrambled lists of supporting ideas. For each thesis, write 1 in the blank beside the point that is perhaps less important or interesting than the other two, 2 beside the point that appears more important or interesting, and 3 beside the point that should be most emphasized.
1. Thesis: My after-school job has been an invaluable part of my life this year.
_____ Better yet, it has taught me how to get along with many kinds of people.
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_____ Since it's in the morning, it usually keeps me from staying up too late.
_____ Without it, I would have had to drop out of school. 2. Thesis: We received some odd gifts for our wedding.
_____ The winner in the odd-gift category was a large wooden box with no apparent
purpose or function.
_____ Someone gave us a gift certificate for a massage.
_____ Even stranger, my uncle gave me his favorite bowling ball. 3. Thesis: Donna is my most loyal friend.
_____ She has taken time to do special favors for me.
_____ She's always there in real emergencies or emotional crises. _____ She once lent me her favorite necklace to wear on a date.
2. Providing Transitions
Exercise:
In the spaces provided, add appropriate transitions to tie together the sentences and ideas in the following essay. Draw from the words given in the boxes above the paragraphs. Use each word only once.
Annoying People
President Richard Nixon used to keep an \like. I'm ashamed to confess it, but I, too, have an enemies list—a mental one. On this list are all the people I would gladly live without, the ones who cause my blood pressure to rise to the boiling point. The top three places on the list go to people with annoying nervous habits, people who talk in movie theaters, and people who talk on car phones while driving.
For example First of all Another However
_______________, there are the people with annoying nervous habits. ________________, there are the ones who make faces. When in deep thought, they twitch, squint, and frown, and they can be a real distraction type when I'm trying to concentrate during an exam. __________ type of nervous character makes useless designs. These people bend paper clips into abstract sculptures or string the clips into necklaces as they talk.
__________, neither of these groups is as bad as the people who make noises. These individuals, when they are feeling uncomfortable, bite their fingernails or crack their knuckles. If they have a pencil in their hands, they tap it rhythmically against whatever surface is handy—a desk, a book, a head. Lacking a pencil to play with, they jingle the loose change or keys in their pockets. These people make me wish I were hard of hearing.
On the contrary Then As a result After second A __________ category of people I would gladly do away with is the ones who talk in movie theaters. These people are not content to sit back, relax, and enjoy the film they have paid to see. ________________ they feel compelled to comment loudly on everything from the hero's hairstyle to the appropriateness of the background music. _______________, no one hears a word of any dialog except theirs. __________ they have been in the theater for a while, their interest in
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the movie may fade. __________ they will start discussing other things, and the people around them will be treated to an instant replay of the latest family scandal or soap-opera episode. These stories may be entertaining, but they don't belong in a movie theater.
In addition But Last of all
_______________, there are the people who talk on the phone while they're driving. One of the things that irritate me about them is the way they seem to be showing off. They're saying, \
such
behavior is just plain dangerous. Instead of concentrating on adjusting carefully to ever-changing traffic conditions, they're weaving all over the road or getting much too close to the car in front of them as they gossip with a friend, make an appointment with a doctor, or order a pizza.
So long as murder remains illegal, the nervous twitchers, movie talkers, and car-phone users of the world are safe from me. __________ if ever I am granted the power of life or death, these people had better think twice about annoying me. They might not have long to live.
3. Completing Transitional Sentences
Exercise:
Following is brief sentence outlines from one essay. In each outline, the second and third topic sentences serve as transitional, or linking, sentences. Each reminds us of the point in the preceding paragraph and announces the point to be developed in the current paragraph. In the spaces provided, add the words needed to complete the second and third topic sentences.
Thesis:
Cheaper cost, greater comfort, and superior electronic technology make watching football at home more enjoyable than attending a game at the stadium.
First supporting paragraph:
For one thing, watching the game on TV eliminates the cost of attending the game. . . .
Second supporting paragraph:
In addition to saving me money, watching the game at home is more ________ than sitting in a stadium. . . .
Third supporting paragraph:
Even more important than _______________ and _______________ though, is the _________________________ that makes a televised game better than the \
4. Identifying Introductions and Conclusions
Exercise:
The following box lists six common kinds of introductions and three common kinds of conclusions. Read the three pairs of introductory and concluding paragraphs that follow. Then, in the space provided, write the letter of the kind of introduction and conclusion used in each paragraph.
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Introductions A. General to narrow B. Starting with an opposite C. Stating importance of topic D. Incident or story E. Question(s) F. Quotation Conclusions G. Summary and final thought H. Question(s) I. Prediction or recommendation Pair 1
________Shortly before Easter, our local elementary school sponsored a fund-raising event at which classroom pets and their babies—hamsters, guinea pigs, and chicks—were available for adoption. Afterward, as I was driving home, I saw a hand drop a baby hamster out of the car ahead of me. I couldn't avoid running over the tiny creature. One of the parents had taken the pet, regretted the decision, and decided to get rid of it. Such people have never stopped to consider the several real obligations involved in owning a pet.
_________ A pet cannot be thrown onto a trash heap when it is no longer wanted or tossed into a closet if it begins to bore its owner. A pet, like us, is a living thing that needs attention and care. Would-be owners, therefore, should think seriously about their responsibilities before they acquire a pet. Pair 2
__________ What would life be like if we could read each other's minds? Would communications be instantaneous and perfectly clear? These questions will never be answered unless mental telepathy becomes a fact of life. Until then, we will have to make do with less perfect means of communication. Letters, telephone calls, and e-mail messages do have serious drawbacks.
__________ Neither letters, phone calls, nor e-mails guarantee perfect communication. With all our sophisticated skills, we human beings often communicate less effectively than howling wolves or chattering monkeys. We always seem to find some way to foul up the message. Pair 3
___________ \harder to put up with,\annoyance of a good example.\cursed with older brothers or sisters who are models of perfection. All our lives, my older sister Shelley and I have been compared. Unfortunately, in competition with my sister's virtues, my looks, talents, and accomplishments always ended up on the losing side.
_________ Although I always lost in the sibling contests of looks, talents, and accomplishments, Shelley and I have somehow managed not to turn into deadly enemies. Feeling like the \succeed and a sense of humor. In our sibling rivalry, we both managed to win.
VII. Four Bases for Revising Essays
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This chapter shows you how to evaluate an essay for 1) unity 2) support 3) coherence 4) sentence skills
In the preceding chapters, you learned four essential steps in writing an effective paper. The box below shows how the steps lead to four standards, or bases, you can use in revising an essay.
Four Steps
If you advance a single point and stick to that point,
If you support the point with specific evidence, If you organize and connect the specific evidence,
If you write clear, error-free sentences,
This chapter discusses these four bases—unity, support, coherence, and sentence skills—and shows how the four bases can be used to evaluate and revise a paper.
Base l: Unity
1. Understanding Unity
The following student essays are on the topic \ears.\Which one makes its point more clearly and effectively, and why?
Essay 1
Teenage Pranks
Looking back at some of the things I did as a teenager makes me break out in a sweat. The purpose of each adventure was fun, but occasionally things got out of hand. In my search for good times, I was involved in three notable pranks, ranging from fairly harmless to fairly serious.
The first prank proved that good, clean fun does not have to be dull. As a high school student, I was credited with making the world's largest dessert. With several friends, I spent an entire year collecting boxes of Jell-O. Entering our school's indoor pool one night, we turned the water temperature up as high as it would go and poured in box after box of the strawberry powder. The next morning, school officials arrived to find the pool filled with thirteen thousand gallons of the quivering, rubbery stuff. No one was hurt by the prank, but we did suffer through three days of a massive cleanup.
Not all my pranks were harmless, and one involved risking my life. As soon as I got my driver's license, I wanted to join the \limited to those who could make their cars fly a distance of at least ten feet. The qualifying site was an old quarry field where friends and I had built a ramp made of
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Four Bases
Your paper will have unity. Your paper will have support. Your paper will have coherence.
Your paper will demonstrate effective sentence skills.