Unit Nine
(Parents=mother and father) Parenting (=parental education)
Preview
Children do best when they have daily access to different and complementary parenting styles of mothers and fathers. Children growing up in mother-only or father-only homes may lack confidence, independence, and security. Such boys and girls will be vulnerable to gender confusion, abuse and exploitation from others. They are less likely to have a healthy respect for both women and men as they grow into adulthood.
Part I Text Reading Warm-up
I．Ways to bring up a child.
Raising a child is one of the hardest, most responsible and satisfying tasks a human being can face. It is also the job for which people receive the least formal training. Step one
Directions: Every parent wants his children to be well cultivated, but how to make it happen? Please cooperate with your partner to find ways for child cultivation. You can compare ways that your parents educated you. The following words and expressions may be useful for your discussion. role model/ discipline/ spending time/ communication/ compliments/ showing love, respect, kindness, honesty, friendliness, hospitality, generosity/ encouraging/ behaving in the same way/ self-confidence/ self-esteem/ making friends/ making mistakes/ playing with children/ balancing nutrition Step two
Directions: If you were a parent, how would you raise your kids? Please discuss this topic with your desk mate. The following tips may be useful for the discussion. ? Parents are role models. ? Discipline is necessary.
? Spending enough time with your children. ? Good communication will teach children.
II. What are fathers and mothers' ways to parent?
Read the following phrases and guess parenting ways of fathers and mothers. Put F in the bracket for father's way and M for mother's.
( ) 1. to provide warm, nurturing care for a crying infant
( ) 2. to tickle, to wrestle, and to throw their children in the air ( ) 3. to chase their children, as playful, scary \
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( ) 4. to encourage competition and independence ( ) 5. to encourage equity and security
( ) 6. to encourage their kids to swing or climb just higher ( ) 7. to yell \
( ) 8. to simplify their words and speak on the child's level ( ) 9. to be more brief, directive, and to the point
( ) 10. to be more descriptive, personal and verbally encouraging
Text
Why Children Need Father-Love and Mother-Love
Glenn T Stanton①
[1] If Heather is being raised (=brought up) by two mommies (=mothers) and Brandon is being raised by Daddy (=Dad, Father) and his new husband-roommate, Heather and Brandon might have two adults in their lives, but they are being deprived of (=are being denied of) the benefits (advantages) found in the unique (peculiar) influences in a mother and father's differing parenting (educational) styles. Much of the value mothers and fathers bring to their children is due to (=because of) the fact that mothers and fathers are different. And by cooperating together and complementing each other in their differences, they provide (give) good things that same-sex caregivers cannot.
Mothers and Fathers Parent (vt. educate) Differently
[2] This difference provides an important (diverse->) diversity of experiences for children. Dr. Pruett explains that fathers have a distinct (=unique, different) style of (communicate->) communication and interaction with (互动) children. Infants (babies), by 8 weeks, can tell (know) the difference between a male or female interacting with them. Stanford psychologist Eleanor Maccoby, in her book The Two Sexes, explains mothers and fathers respond (->response) differently to infants. Mothers are more likely (=possible) to provide warm, nurturing (caring for and protect sb/sth while they are growing and developing) care for a crying infant. This diversity in itself provides children with a broader (wider), richer (colorful) experience of contrasting relational interactions—more so than for children who are raised by only one gender (sex). Whether they realize it or not, children are learning at earliest age, by sheer (=pure, only) experience, that men and women are different and have different ways of dealing with life, other adults and their children.
Mothers and Fathers Play Differently
[3] Fathers tend to play with, and mothers tend to care for, children. While both mothers and fathers are physical, fathers are physical in different ways.
[4] Fathers tickle (to move your fingers on a sensitive part of sb's body in a way that makes them laugh) more, they wrestle (to fight sb by holding them and trying to
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throw or force them to the ground, sometimes as a sport), and they throw their children in the air. Fathers chase (run after) their children, sometimes as playful, scary (frightening) \cuddle (hug, embrace拥抱, to hold sb/ sth close in your arms to show love or affection) babies, and fathers bounce (push) them. Fathers roughhouse (to fight sb or play with sb roughly) while mothers are gentle (tender温柔的). One study found that 70 percent of father-infant games were more physical and action oriented② while only 4 percent of mother-infant play was like this. Fathers encourage (compete->) competition; mothers encourage (equal->) equity (a situation in which everyone is treated equally). One style encourages (independent->) independence while the other encourages (secure->) security.
[5] Fathering expert John Snarey explains that children who roughhouse with their fathers learn that (bite->) biting, kicking and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable. They learn self-control by being told when \\down (和解).\Girls and boys both learn a healthy balance between (timid->) timidity and (aggress->) aggression. Children need mom's softness as well as (and, together with) dad's roughhousing (violence). Both provide security and confidence in their own ways by communicating love and physical (intimate->) intimacy.
Fathers Push (force sb. to challenge) Limits; Mothers Encourage Security [6] Go to any playground and listen to the parents. Who is encouraging their kids to swing or climb just a little higher, ride their bike just a little faster, throw just a little harder? Who is yelling, \down, not so high, not so hard!\Of course, fathers encourage children to take chances and push limits and mothers protect and are more (caution->) cautious. And this difference can cause disagreement between mom and dad on what is best for the child.
[7] But the difference is essential (necessary，extremely important) for children. Either of these parenting styles by themselves can be unhealthy (harmful). One can tend toward encouraging risk without (consider->) consideration of consequences. The other tends to avoid risk, which can fail to build independence, confidence and progress. Joined together, they keep each other in balance and help children remain safe while expanding their experiences and confidence.
Mothers and Fathers Communicate Differently
[8] A major (main) study showed that when (they are) speaking to children, mothers and fathers are different. Mothers will simplify their words and speak on the child's level. Men are not as inclined (willing) to modify their language for the child.
[9] Mother's way facilitates (=helps) immediate communication. Father's way challenges the child to expand her vocabulary and linguistic skills, an important building block (a piece of wood or plastic used as a toy for children to build things with积木) of academic success.
[10] Father's talk tends to be more brief, directive, and to the point. It also makes greater use of subtle (not very noticeable or obvious) body language and facial expressions. Mothers tend to be more (scribe滕文工->describe描述->)descriptive,
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personal and verbally (in spoken words and not in writing or actions) encouraging. Children who do not have daily exposure to (=experience) both will not learn how to understand and use both styles of conversation as they grow. These boys and girls will be at a disadvantage (处于劣势) because they will experience these different ways of communicating in relationships with teachers, bosses and other authority figures.
[11] Educational psychologist Carol Gilligan tells us that fathers stress justice, fairness (=equality) and duty (based on rules), while mothers stress sympathy, care and help (based on relationships). Fathers tend to observe (obey) and enforce rules systematically and sternly (=strictly, seriously), which teach children the objectivity and consequences of right and wrong. Mothers tend toward grace (a quality of behavior that is polite and pleasant and deserves respect) and sympathy in the midst of (among) (obey->obedient->obedience<->disobey->disobedient->) disobedience, which provide a sense of hopefulness. Again, either of these by themselves is not good, but together, they create a healthy, proper (appropriate or correct) balance.
Fathers Provide a Look at (=a view of) the World of Men; Mothers, the World of Women
[12] Men and women are different. They eat differently. They dress differently. They smell different. They groom (dress) themselves differently. They cope with (deal with) life differently. Fathers do \fathers both help little girls and little boys learn how to grow to be women and men. Anthropologist Suzanne Frayser explains this is constant (happening all the time or repeatedly) in all human societies, \that improves it or makes it more attractive) the other. The boy can look at his father and see what he should do to be a male; he can look at his mother and see what he should not do to be a male.\
[13] Girls and boys who grow up with a father are more familiar and secure with the curious (=strange and unusual) world of men. Girls with involved (积极参与社会活动), married fathers are more likely (possible) to have healthier relationships with boys in adolescence (the time in a person's life when he or she develops from a child into an adult, puberty青春期,青年) and men in adulthood because they learn from their fathers how proper (well-educated) men act toward women. This knowledge builds emotional security, and safety from the exploitation of predatory (using weaker people for their own financial or sexual advantage掠夺的, 食肉的) males③. They also learn from mom how to live in a woman's world. This is especially important as (when) they approach adolescence and all the changes that life-stage brings. [14] Boys who grow up with dads are much less likely to be violent. They have their masculinity affirmed (secured) and learn from their fathers how to channel (=direct) their masculinity and strength in positive ways. Fathers help children understand proper male sexuality, hygiene (sanity, the practice of keeping yourself and your living and working areas clean in order to prevent illness and disease卫生, 卫生学), and behavior in age appropriate ways. Mothers help boys understand the female world and develop a sensitivity (responsibility) toward women. They also help boys know how to relate and communicate with women.
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(conclude->)Conclusion
[15] To be concerned with (worried about) proper children development is to be concerned about making sure that (=see to it that…确保…得以实现) children have daily access to the different and complementary ways mothers and fathers parent (act as parents). Children growing up in mother-only or father-only homes will suffer deeply in terms of lack of confidence, independence, and security. Such boys and girls will be at greater risk for gender confusion(性别带来的困惑或), abuse (=violence) and exploitation from other men. They are less likely to have a healthy respect for both women and men as (when) they grow into adulthood.
Notes
① Glenn T. Stanton: a researcher on family formation (structure). He debates and lectures extensively on the issues (problems) of gender, sexuality, marriage and parenting at universities and churches around the states. He is the author of three books and a contributor to five others, including Why Marriage Matters: Reasons to Believe in Marriage in Postmodern Society (1997) and My Crazy, Imperfect Christian Family.
②. ... action oriented: involving rough behavior or play. ③ ...the exploitation of predatory males: the aggressive behavior of males.
Word Bank
(academy->Police Academy) academic: adj. of a school, especially of higher learning; of scholarly (scholarship奖学金，助学金) performance学校的，学院的，学术的
affirm: v. to assert; confirm断言，证实，承认
(aggress->aggressor =invader) aggression (aggressive): n. the act of initiating (hostile->) hostilities or invasion侵犯，侵略，挑衅
(anthropology->) anthropologist: n. the scholar who studies the origin, the behavior, and the physical, social, and cultural development of human beings人类学家
complement: v. to make sth. Complete补充，补足
complementary: adj. completing; supplying mutual needs补充的，补足的 consequence: n. effect; the result to its cause结果，因果关系的 deprive (sb. of sth.): v. to take sth. away from拿走，抢夺
directive: adj. straightforward; serving to direct (->director导演)直接的，指导的 (obey->obedient->obedience<->disobey->disobedient) disobedience: n. refusal or failure to obey不服从，不顺从，违抗
distinct: different; clear不同的，明显的
(diverse->) diversity: n. (vary->) variety or multiformity 变化，多样性 enforce(->reinforce): to compel obedience to强制服从或遵守
(exploit->) exploitation: n. the act of employing to the greatest possible advantage开发，开采，剥削
(expose to->) exposure: n. the act of exposing; influence暴露， 受影响
facilitate (=help->facility设备设施): v. to make easy or easier使容易，使便利 groom: v. to care for the appearance of; to make neat （tidy）and trim(vt./adj.)使整
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