习作点评
全文叙述有条理，发挥自然，想象力丰富，衔接合理.
该生的细节描写很形象，如 Mom would cheer up like a child. Calling out David and I, she got off the car, laughed and danced around. She held our hands in her hands, leading us around the big city, the small town and the nice nature.妈妈像一个孩子一样地开心，拉着我们的手去游玩。
情节合理： 设计的续写第一段情节是妈妈把帐篷等东西忘在了旅馆，然后去拿，如果忘在家里就不太合理了。但这里还是可以解释的。第二段重点描述开心快乐的氛围，体现浓浓的家人之间的爱。用具体的动作描写，很好。形象生动，人物形象饱满。
情感态度方面也表现得不错：When we came back to the hotel after the tiring but excellent visit, she would hug us and kiss us on our faces. How sweet she was! Absent-minded and forgetful as she was, she never forgot to express her love to us.不管怎样， 妈妈还是妈妈，都是爱妈妈的。
文章内容与原文紧密相连，环环相扣。语言功底深厚。建议得分22分。-- Carrie
Wang
读后续写优秀学生现场作文3
Para1: The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we brought with us. That night we set up our tent in a park. The moon was held up above the sky, shining her smooth and charming moonlight. Twinkle stars blinking, fragrant breeze gently stroked my head, as if comforting all the tiredness along the trip. The next day, Dad brought us to the car and asked me to clear all the things away. Not long after we came back to the car, Mom arrived, then we continued our trip.
Para2:We drove through several states and saw lots of sights along the way. I
was still recalling the splendid scenery when we were in the living room of my grandparents'. David excitedly narrated our experience, eyes blazing with enthusiasm. Worries came to his forehead when he explained the trouble. A smile lifted the corner of his mouth when it came to camping. Suddenly Mom shouted out in a strange voice. Haunted by a strong sense of horror, I heard Mom screaming \ 林同学习作
习作点评
本习作充分利用下划线构建了与上文合情合理的情节结构，衔接自然。
情节设计: 该生续写第一段设计的情节与其他人不一样。第一段描述如何快乐游玩。母亲的健忘体现在第二段，而且是最后一句，Haunted by a strong sense of horror, I heard Mom screaming \她忘记带帐篷了，戛然而止，充分体现母亲健忘这一特点。也体现了这次旅行令人难忘。构思巧妙。
细节描写很精彩：The moon was held up above the sky, shining her smooth and charming moonlight. Twinkle stars blinking, fragrant breeze gently stroked my head, as if comforting all the tiredness along the trip.细节景色描写。
David excitedly narrated our experience, eyes blazing with enthusiasm. Worries came to his forehead when he explained the
trouble. A smile lifted the corner of his mouth when it came to camping.人物神态细节描写。
整篇文章表述流畅，融洽度高，情节设计巧妙，有趣俏皮，兼顾首尾呼应，细节描写传神，建议得分22分。 -- Carrie Wang 点评 读后续写优秀学生现场作文 4
Para1:The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we brought with us. We were happy to see it still packed, and hoped it would be packed forever.
However, things came to its turning point. Mom lost Dad in the gas station when we were sleeping. What’s worse, as the dark approached, we met the same trouble again. Brave as Mom was, she decided to camp near the road waiting for Dad. The wind cried widely like a monster. Tear took control of us. Mum embraced us tightly singing a smooth song, which really released us. We didn’t met Dad in the last few days, but we felt comfortable staying with Mom.
Para1: We drove through several states and saw lots of sights along the way. The tent became a closer friend then. Every time we camped, Mom would read a book or sing a soft song. The warmth of her arm never faded away in my memory. Though she was forgetful,laughter accompanied us along the way. We finally met poor Dad in our destination. This trip made me realize that love may have many ways, but it can always warm people in the dark. 秀同学习作
习作点评
本习作充分利用下划线构建了与上文合情合理的情节结构，衔接自然。 情节设计:粗心的妈妈把爸爸弄丢在加油站了。后来妈妈带着他们玩，妈妈的爱抚慰着孩子。爸爸赶上了他们与他们会合。最终很有爱的结局。
细节描写很精彩：爸爸没有在的时候，悲伤的心情：The wind cried widely like a monster. Tear took control of us.
妈妈的爱：Mum embraced us tightly singing a smooth song, which really released us.
Every time we camped, Mom would read a book or sing a soft song. The warmth of her arm never faded away in my memory.
整篇文章表述流畅，融洽度高，情节设计巧妙，虽然在开始设计情节时，把爸爸丢了，感觉不太合理，可后面她能很好的收回。而且细节描写非常传神，建议得分22分。 环境描写的素材
环境描写分为客观和主观两种角度：客观为从环境事物本身入手，主观则从观察者角度描写。通常在描写时主客观交替进行，主观描写比重稍大。 客观环境描写：
Part 1 环境描写的adj要求：有声，有色，有质感，有味道
the blue sky; the songs of birds; the thundering clouds; the flowers; the dark,raining evening
the green grass the fragrant roses, the setting sun… Part 2 环境描写的verb （vi&vt）要求 一．Wind （blow/click/howl/wail/roar）